February 15, 2010

I Suck At This!

How many a man has thrown up his hands at a time when a little more effort, a little more patience would have achieved success.
-Elbert Hubbard

Over the last month I have been homeschooling my son. It is a growing experience for us both. I have always appreciated teachers, they do something that I would not even try to do in my wildest dreams. This experience has made me appreciate them even more. As we struggle over grammar, spelling, math and Spanish, I hear myself repeating the same words over and over again.

"I suck at this!" he will cry out.

"You don't suck, you just don't have enough practice." I tell him, "No one is good at anything their first try, they have to practice, practice, practice. Just be patient"

It struck me today how true that is. It's not that we really try to limit ourselves and what we can do, it's more like we expect our god-given gifts to appear to us. As if one day we shall wake up and know that we are supposed to write a great novel, or be a great business person, or even to be the best parent. Unfortunately many of the talents and gifts that we need and want in life have to be learned.

Learning is a hard process that takes much patience. I am a seamstress, by no means the best seamstress, but I can stitch together many types and styles of clothes. I sewed my first dress when I was 11. Even after so many years of sewing, there are things I have to learn and many, many things I have yet to do well, let alone perfect. I can think back to so many scrapped projects, panels sewn in the wrong way, mis-matched button and button holes, crooked hems, bad seams and just general disasters that have lead me to this point. This point where I can take a tissue pattern, some thread, cloth and notions and bring forth a beautiful gown.

Thinking about all the work and mistakes that have gone into this learning process, I have to ask myself why I think that, in just a few years, I could change my life. Why I would be so down on myself for not succeeding in all of the tasks I set out for myself?

It is my personal lack of patience. I told myself I was being patient at 6 months and a year. That my success was right around the corner. But then after that year had passed, I started to think I must be doing something wrong. That maybe I had chosen the wrong path, that this was fates way of telling me to do something different. I spent a lot of time thinking about it, and I say "No!". It's not the wrong path, I am just learning.

I am taking steps down this long, winding, difficult road of self-improvement and self-realization. One day I will have what I want and do what I want to do. I just need to keep learning, keep reading. I will one day be able to help those around me to succeed in their endeavors. I will find those people who will help me by helping themselves. I am absolutely positive that we are not all lost causes and have a set life laid out before us. I have faith that we can be whatever we want to be in life.

This belief guides me and keeps me on my path of learning. This learning will never be done, ever. And I am thankful for it.

Have a Blessed Day,

Brandy Deming


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