Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy.

"It's a heck of a start, being able to recognize what makes you happy."

-Lucille Ball


Over the last year my son has be increasingly obsessed with stuff. He always wants to get stuff, anything: toys, mail, candy, etc. He will explain to you in great detail how happy it makes him to be on the receiving end of gifts. He likes to get stuff to give stuff away. And it worries me.

It worries me because he is not happy without it. It worries me that when he is not happy, he doesn't know why. It worries me because I was the same way when I was his age, though mine was not the getting stuff, it was just a general unhappiness.

I've spent years and years trying to fill that void where happiness should be. I went through my teen years feeling hopeless and terrible unhappy, I had The Void. I've tried filling it with food, drinks, relationships, you name it, I tried it. None of it every worked, I'd get a temporary relieve from The Void, but over time The Void always came back. All I was doing was avoiding the what and why of happiness.

There is no certainty that you or I will ever find what truly makes us happy, but a little inner searching can help you distinguish why we do what we do.

Does money make me happy? No. Some people really love money, I don't. It pisses me off. I have to dedicate so much of my time to earning it, managing it and spending it, that it takes away from all the stuff I really want to be doing. I want it, lots of it, just so that I can go about my daily life without the money questions lingering in the back of my mind.

Does food make me happy? Kinda. Food is an odd sort of fellow. I love the fact that you can take all these seemingly unrelated items and create a fabulous experience of the senses. I like the fact that several times a day I can pull off a creation. The question is does food itself make me happy or is it the joy I get from the experience of working with it? I'll have to think about that question for a few more years.

I can go on and on with habits that are both good and bad and the 'Does it make me happy?' question. What I do know is I have a list of things that I know I get a kick out of: I like experiencing new things, I like creating things and I love learning something new. If I am doing any of those things, I fell happy and fulfilled, at least for a little while.

We all are different and our ability to acquire happiness is as varying as our personalities. You just have to ask yourself if what you are doing is making you happy. Long term success is based on how happy and content you are with your daily actions. If you continue to do things that go against your happiness, you will stop doing them or turn into a bitter and often angry person.

So, lighten up. Let some joy in. Who cares if you are 55 and still finger painting and playing with dolls. If it makes you happy, then do it!



Have a Blessed Day,


Brandy
CelticBlessings4U@Gmail.com
http://www.womenswealthandwellness.com/celticblessings
http://www.twitter.com/brandysbiz

I Suck At This!

How many a man has thrown up his hands at a time when a little more effort, a little more patience would have achieved success.
-Elbert Hubbard



Over the last month I have been homeschooling my son. It is a growing experience for us both. I have always appreciated teachers, they do something that I would not even try to do in my wildest dreams. This experience has made me appreciate them even more. As we struggle over grammar, spelling, math and Spanish, I hear myself repeating the same words over and over again.

"I suck at this!" he will cry out.

"You don't suck, you just don't have enough practice." I tell him, "No one is good at anything their first try, they have to practice, practice, practice. Just be patient"

It struck me today how true that is. It's not that we really try to limit ourselves and what we can do, it's more like we expect our god-given gifts to appear to us. As if one day we shall wake up and know that we are supposed to write a great novel, or be a great business person, or even to be the best parent. Unfortunately many of the talents and gifts that we need and want in life have to be learned.

Learning is a hard process that takes much patience. I am a seamstress, by no means the best seamstress, but I can stitch together many types and styles of clothes. I sewed my first dress when I was 11. Even after so many years of sewing, there are things I have to learn and many, many things I have yet to do well, let alone perfect. I can think back to so many scrapped projects, panels sewn in the wrong way, mis-matched button and button holes, crooked hems, bad seams and just general disasters that have lead me to this point. This point where I can take a tissue pattern, some thread, cloth and notions and bring forth a beautiful gown.

Thinking about all the work and mistakes that have gone into this learning process, I have to ask myself why I think that, in just a few years, I could change my life. Why I would be so down on myself for not succeeding in all of the tasks I set out for myself?

It is my personal lack of patience. I told myself I was being patient at 6 months and a year. That my success was right around the corner. But then after that year had passed, I started to think I must be doing something wrong. That maybe I had chosen the wrong path, that this was fates way of telling me to do something different. I spent a lot of time thinking about it, and I say "No!". It's not the wrong path, I am just learning.

I am taking steps down this long, winding, difficult road of self-improvement and self-realization. One day I will have what I want and do what I want to do. I just need to keep learning, keep reading. I will one day be able to help those around me to succeed in their endeavors. I will find those people who will help me by helping themselves. I am absolutely positive that we are not all lost causes and have a set life laid out before us. I have faith that we can be whatever we want to be in life.

This belief guides me and keeps me on my path of learning. This learning will never be done, ever. And I am thankful for it.

Have a Blessed Day,



Brandy Deming

CelticBlessings4U@Gmail.com
http://www.womenswealthandwellness.com/celticblessings

Loving Yourself or Abusing Yourself?

Self-love is not opposed to the love of other people. You cannot really love yourself and do yourself a favor without doing people a favor, and vise versa.

-Dr. Karl A. Menninger

Our biggest critic is ourselves. We are taught to try to be perfect, to get everything 'just so', but do we really, really have to have everything together all the time? Too often we run ourselves ragged trying to live up to our perceived expectations and then when we don't meet them we beat ourselves up about it. We must start being happy with what we have done and not be so down on ourselves about what we haven't been able to do, or didn't do well.


Even our language can effect the way we feel about ourselves. If we fail to meet a goal, or stumble off our path we say that we failed. We did not fail, we just didn't quite succeed. We need to brush ourselves off, reassess the situation and move forward. Be proud that we tried. I was in Pilates class yesterday with about 10 other women and the instructor said a wonderful thing, "Don't worry if you cannot complete the moves this time, you are here, that's what counts. You are now better then everyone else out there who isn't even trying."


What a great way to think about life!


If you are trying to build a business and you didn't achieve your goal. Don't worry. At least you are trying. Think about the millions of people out there who are grinding away at a dead end job every day, making no progress at all. You are at least trying. And the more you try, the more you'll succeed. Maybe other people haven't had set-backs in their business, but at least you took the initiative and started your own business! Celebrate your courage and determination, not the parts that are less then successful.


Trying to loose weight is another doosey. If you feel you are falling behind on your health goals, don't worry, just keep at it! There are millions out there who constantly complain about needing to loose weight, but you are doing something about it! Feel fabulous that you are trying, because... the more you try, the more you'll succeed!


Let's see if we can add a little more self-love into our lives. Celebrate all the wonderful things we do. Dismiss those things that don't go right. Get back up and try again... and again! Life is a journey, not a destination.



Have a Blessed Day,


Brandy Deming

CelticBlessings4U@Gmail.com
http://www.womenswealthandwellness.com/celticblessings
http://www.twitter.com/brandysbiz

K.I.S.S.

You don't need to outdo the competition. It's expensive and defensive. Underdo your competition. We need more simplicity and clarity.

-Jason Fried

We all tend to over-complicate our lives. Even taking a shower can be a complex string of choices and options. Do I scrub, wash or exfoliate? Is my hair in need of volume, shine or deep cleansing? Does my skin need more moisture or anti-aging? And that's just the first 15 minutes of our day. Everything has become a complicated with so many options, it can make your head spin.


We need to be less harsh on ourselves and simplify. There is no way of turning back the clock to simpler times, so we must cope with what we have. By simplifying and changing the way we react to stress, our lives can become more livable.


Over-Committed. I find myself in this situation more often then not. We must learn to say No. Do one project at a time. If you haven't finished that basket for the fundraiser on Friday, don't agree to have another one ready by Monday (unless baskets is your business and then go for it!). When your trying to find time to squeeze in a hike for a Scout group, don't agree to host a party the same week. We want to be helpful, make people happy, but too often we sacrifice our happiness for the good of others. Try what you can to do one thing at a time, you'll thank yourself later.


Under-Paid. We often don't get paid what we are worth. We get stuck in a job that we can stand, but as the cost of living goes up, our pay doesn't. And when we actually do get a raise, it's never quite enough. There are several ways to try and cope with this. Don't be afraid to ask for a raise. There has been plenty of times when someone is complaining how they haven't had a raise in years, but never asked. Leave your options open. Don't accept that just because things have always been one way, they will always be that way. Do a search every couple of months to see what else is out there. And if there is an opening for what you do and the pay is higher, go for it. Turn your hobbies into money. There are lots of services that people are willing to pay for. If you quilt, start letting people know that you teach classes, or create patterns to sell online. Work on cars? A little back yard wrench slinging can pull in some cash. Like books? There are ample opportunities to buy and resell books. Two for one, you get to shop then you get to sell!


Not Appreciated. We don't get thanked for a lot of things we do. Start patting your own back! make sure you take time each week to award yourself for all that you do!


Over-Worked. Business owners and the working person both have this problem. We want to get more done then our competitors, make sure we get that raise. So we add more hours to our work week. We need to work effectively and we can't be effective if we are run down. We skip our breaks, lunch and then stay an hour or two later. Even if you feel that you get more done in that extra hour then you've gotten done all day, chances are you'd get more done within that 8 hours if you had some time during the day to refresh yourself. Take a break. 15 minutes of stretching or a brisk walk not only will help you feel energized, but will add a better boost to your day then an extra espresso. Quit at quitting time. At least twice a week, stop working when you are supposed to. That extra hour or two will add much more ease to your life and boost your work then the little extra money you would have earned working late.


Just take a look at all you are doing, be proud of what you accomplish. Take time for you and your family to increase your relaxation and inner happiness. See what you can cut out of your life if you are over-committed. Above all, don't take any of it too seriously, life is temporary after all!



Have a Blessed Day,


Brandy Deming
CelticBlessings4U@Gmail.com

http://www.womenswealthandwellness.com/celticblessings
http://www.twitter.com/brandysbiz

Listening

"Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb."

-Sir Winston Churchill

This wonderful thought occurred to me yesterday. We tend to see ourselves and others as either a success or failure. We accomplish or fail. There is this whole entire grey area between failure and success that we call life. We should find a different yard stick to measure ourselves by. Lets put aside bank accounts, cars and clothes. Lets look at our lives, that grey area. Are you happy? Are those around you happy? Do you have that special someone? Do you have friends? How's your extended family? Think about it. Give yourself a pat on the back if you had a positive answer and reaction to all the questions... heck... if you have 3 out of 5 you're doing good.

The point is not that we don't need money and the like to be successful, the point is that the small efforts we make to ensure personal, family and relationships succeed are the same set of skills used to be a success in business. If you know how to listen, when to have which emotional reaction, can give advise when needed and are pleasant to be around, more people will flock to you and your business.

Lets take listening as an example, verbal and non-verbal. When your wife [or husband] is telling you how their day went, do you smile and nod or listen? If you can't actually remember how your significant other's day went yesterday, you were just going along with the conversation, and not really listening. Mind what they are saying, try to take mental notes [write them down when you are done if you tend to forget things easily] look at how they are standing, keep eye contact. Does it look like there is something else they want to say? Do they look like they want a response from you? Are the just venting? Now, the next day try and recall how their day was. Check your notes. Try doing this activity 2-5 times a week. If you don't have a significant other, try it with a friend or roommate.

How does this pertain to business? Listen, listen, LISTEN!! To co-workers, management, clients, bartenders, whomever. You never know when your next jewel of information will come to you. For example, with Send Out Cards, I use the Internet to send a physical card through the postal service, with a first class stamp. Did you know that the postal service was going to cut back a day of delivery because of lack of mail? [not a joke or plug http://kuow.org/program.php?id=1646 ] I now feel that sending cards is patriotic. I want to support my postal service. How did I learn about this spin to my business? Listening to a conversation in line at Albertsons.

Listening will also get you more customers. I know people who will drive an extra 45 minutes to go to a dentist because they see him as a part of their extended family. And how does he do it? He has trained himself and all the staff to take notes of the small talk that they have (names of dogs, ages of children, painting the house, buying a new car, etc.). Then the next time they come in, or when he send them their birthday card, he can add in a personal note ie. How is the new puppy? I hope your enjoying the new car! How was Cindy's 9th birthday? Amazing! How to stay above the game!

Try and remember to listen and pay attention to your loved ones. A truly loving, compassionate companion is not only a hit with their family and friends. But the positive energy and uplift you'll start radiating will attract others to you creating a influx of customers.

Have a Blessed Day,

Brandy Deming

CelticBlessings4u@Gmail.com

http://www.womenswealthandwellness.com/celticblessings
http://www.twitter.com/brandysbiz

Give it away!

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
-Dale Carnegie


Ever needed that shoulder to cry on or just a good hug? Someone to give you an uplifting word? I have. Every body has. Sometimes we get it, sometimes we don't. There is a secret for it always to be there for you.... give it to someone.

In friendships, relationships and business, it is often easier to accomplish what you want done by helping someone else do what they need to do. Letting friends know they can call you at any time if they need to talk, giving that extra little bit to let them know that you appreciate them, all comes back to you eventually. When you need them, they will be there, as long as what you are doing for them is out of kindness, not because you have a big move coming up and you need help.

Go that extra mile in relationships too. Stop and pick some flowers (or buy them) for no reason at all. Surprise her (or him) with night out. Right them a poem. Plan a picnic in the park. And let them know how much you care.

In business, always try to improve your customer service and your service to the community. People love shopping someplace when they know it does someone else good. The lovely woman who owns the BBQ Pit in Mt. Vernon feeds hungry and homeless people once a week. Do you think I eat there? Every chance I get, the food is great and I know that by supporting this business I support our community. You can designate a certain percentage of sales to a charity, or open your place up for fundraisers, offer your services at a discount to non-profits. And let everyone know that you are doing this. You'll see people more often coming in to support you and your cause.

There is lots of good you can do in the world as a friend, spouse and business owner, do it. Do as much good as you possibly can. Get interested in other peoples causes and other peoples lives. By taking the focus off of your woes and your current issues, focus on someone else or a charity. You'll meet tons of new people that way and know that at the end of the day, you've made a difference in someones life.


Have a Blessed Day,

Brandy Deming

CelticBlessings4U@Gmail.com
http://www.womenswealthandwellness.com/celticblessings
http://www.twitter.com/brandysbiz

Inside Out

"Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself."
-Og Mandino

Day in and day out we are bombarded with images that tell us with 'just this' we could be happier, thinner, smarter, sexier, etc. Sometimes we rush out or pick up the phone to by such things. But it is a lie. There is no cream that heals inner hurt. There's no pill that will patch together a broken soul. There is only ourselves.

There was a turning point in my life when relationships opened up to me and I realized I had been thinking about them in the wrong way. It was my freshman year at college in my Intro To Communications class. We were discussing feelings. How do feeling appear? Can someone make you feel something? Can you make someone feel something? I said that feelings are an expression of the soul and that you can make someone feel something, sometimes it's not what you want, but you can. He said I was wrong. Flat out wrong. I was so set back that my jaw dropped. He told me to think about these two situations:

You are sitting at a coffee house with your friends talking politics... you say something to your best friend and she says "Oh, Shut UP!" How do you feel? Do you take her seriously? Probably not. You are friends, it's what you do.

Now, you are in a clothing store. You turn and accidentally bump in to someone, both of your purchases hit the ground. You start apologising profusely and the guy says "Oh, Shut UP!" How do you feel then? Do you take him seriously? Probably. Because the situations are different, or because you are different?

It's a great idea to ponder, no one can MAKE you feel anything. You ALLOW them to make you feel the way you do. It is fantastically liberating feeling when you can see how you feel and then judge your reactions based on it. No more flying off the handle or letting someone hurt you for no reason. And you can use this to change someone else's life.

Smile and eye contact. The grumpier the person looks on the street, look them right in the eye, give them a sincere smile and say "Good Morning!". They don't have to reply, they don't even have to smile back. But it will get them thinking, and smiles are contagious.

Have A Blessed Day.

Brandy