June 19, 2009

Being Different to Be The Same

"Relationships of trust depend on our willingness to look not only to our own interests, but also the interests of others."

- Peter Farquharson

Ever wonder why friendships often last longer then relationships?

Time and interest. We spend a lot more time with those we decide to try out for a life partnership. We often may spend too much time with them. The all consuming power of love can strangle our personal interests and cause us to strangle someone else's interests. For years we want to spend all our time together, bloom our common interests and let those things that show how different we are die. Then one day we wake up to find we have nothing to talk about. We do the same stuff, we live the same life, we were there for all the funny moments. Once the talking stops, then the enjoyment stops and you wake up one morning not knowing who this person is sleeping beside you. Sound familiar? I'm sure if it hasn't happened to you, then it's happened to someone you know.

There were two items of interest that lead me to this blog today. First was a little clip on hooping ( http://kuow.org/program.php?id=17754 ). Lovely story about a woman who finds her deeper self by exploring and then living a [hula] hooping dream. After dedicating herself to her child and husband for years, goes on to a hooping seminar/workshop and her life is changed. But she comes back and files for divorce before pursuing her dream and opening a hooping school in Seattle. I couldn't help but wonder why? Did she pour out her heart to her husband and he told her she wasn't being realistic? Was she unable to allow this 'family' life and this 'dream' life to become one together? I may never know. But I can say that when your loved one comes to you with a dream, encourage them. Help them. Give them suggestions on how to succeed. Try not to crush dreams, sometimes it's all we have to keep going.

The second one was a friend that was listing off guys that he didn't trust. Not because they were lyiers or thieves, but because they may run off with his woman. This really puzzled me. It is not the people that surround you and your love that you have to trust. It's the one that you love. When you are in a strong, healthy relationship, there is no combinations of words or actions that will magically make that person stop loving you. There is no love song or poem or debate that will make me wake up one day and think 'man he was right, I am in the completely wrong relationship'. All of those decision come from the inside. And if you are worried, let them know. There is no way to build a bond faster then talking about what worries you in a relationship.

Being different is good. Having a life outside of your life partner is good. It gives you things to talk about, your own life. And when you not only have your own life, but a life with someone, that life with someone is much greater. Because at the end of the day, you come home to each other with stories, experiences and joy.

Have a Blessed Day,

Brandy Deming



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